D-Dad

D- doesn't just stand for diabetic.  This is the most awesome D-Dad you will ever find.  He is Deserving, Dutiful, Determined, Diligent, as well as Dashing.

I recently read a blog post written by a D-dad which was about his little girl's pink supply purse. He carried around everywhere for her.  It was mentioned that a more masculine bag could have been bought to put her things in since he would be the one to carry it most places, but  he let her pick a pink princess one out because he wanted her to be happy.

We went on a cave tour this past weekend and this Dad had his daughters purse strung over his shoulder the whole time too.  This picture is so symbolic.  We as parents, and especially this Dad, carry her burdens on our shoulders for her. We do not make her carry her diabetes on her own.  We throw her purse of worries and supplies on our backs for her until one day(as she grows and we teach), she will be big enough, strong enough, and emotionaly mautre enough to carry her "purse" on her own.

You know what?  He looks pretty good with a bag!

Back to School with T1D

I have been putting off writing this post.  The last 2.5 weeks have been so tiring and emotionally draining that I felt even the thought of pounding out a post on it might just tip the scales so far that I could be officially considered a wreck. These last two weeks have been the worst for me since I brought Sweets home from the hospital last June. I don't even know where to start.
Lets just say, the nonchalant manner in which the other T1D Mom's handle their children in Sweet's school, makes me look like a neurotic lunatic.  Granted, there are only two others, one boy who is Sweets age, and a girl just a grade younger.  She was diagnosed just a month before Sweets, he's had diabetes since he was three and has a pump.  Go figure.  But, it wasn't long before I realized that I was the only parent training staff members on diabetes, creating action plans and low blood sugar guides for all the classrooms she would be in, creating low blood sugar boxes for the office, her classroom, and other rooms she would be in, meeting with recess aids, talking to lunch ladies, planning ahead for fire drills and lock down, etc.  I was the only one coming into the school every day, checking my daughter, interfacing with the teacher, and consequently.......looking like a stalker.  Am I over reacting?  Maybe......  Am I overprotective ? ......Probably.  But, how can you leave your child at school unless you are 100% sure everyone can take care of her, that there is a plan and it will work, that she will make it through the day and not eventually pass out from low blood sugar, or be in trouble for laying her head down when she's high.  How can you make sure that she will get the correct insulin dose for lunch if she's normal, high, or even low for that matter?  How can you leave her there and go home and get anything done without worrying so much that you are in tears, or sick, or unable to stop yourself from texting the teacher or calling the office every hour?  You can't, unless you have taken every step available to make sure, sure, sure, that everything has been thought of, and all staff is on board.  And still, I worry.
See?  My blood pressure is rising as I write this.

Here is a copy of her Care Plan I worked out for her.

Here is a copy of her Low Blood Sugar Guide for the classrooms she is in

Here is a list of the items in her Low Blood Sugar Boxes
- 4 juice boxes
- 4 15 carb snack pouches
- Peanuts for protein
- Glucose Tabs
- Cake Gel
- Quick guide for Blood Sugar Monitoring
- Carb count book (office)
- Keton strips (office)
- Extra pen needles (office)
- 20 carb yogurts (office fridge)

I bought Sweets the cutest D-Bag (purse) she keeps in the classroom and carries with her everywhere except to recess. The items in her bag: meter, strips, alcohol pads, glucose tabs, Cake gel, Glucogon shot, juice box, 15 carb snack, extra batteries for meter, insulin, and extra pen needles to be with her everywhere.  Then, in the case of a lock down or fire drill or wherever she is, she has access to those things that will keep her alive.  The other D- kids keep their stuff exclusively in the office and that baffles me.  Why wouldn't they keep it with them in case they couldn't get to the office?


*She has reminder notes on her desk when to check and to help her remember to stop and think about how she's feeling.

*Myself or the Office manages her 10 'o' clock check where she gets a snack so her levels don't crash to a dangerous zone, again.

*The home health nurse comes in at lunch and 2 hours after for her insulin and checks.

*Her teacher texts with me her levels and she has a log for Sweets to fill out.

Still, every day is a battle as her diabetes makes us jump through hoops with unnatural high numbers in the early morning, to crashing lows in the later morning.  Then it laughs at us as we deal with low's before lunch and roller coaster numbers in the afternoon.  She has had to eat lunch alone on two occasions and has already missed a P.E. class.  I am constantly trying new things to hopefully figure it all out. I hope, one day, that I can come home, confident that Sweets will be fine at school and I don't have to sit here and worry all day.  It will take time, to realize that the staff can handle her, that she can take care of herself, and that the hurdles we have to get over will be behind us.  Until then, I will cry in the mornings, worry all afternoon, and cry again at night that we have to do this all over again the next day.

A Silent Cry

Did you know that as a T1D mom you learn to cry with your heart instead of with your eyes.  When things are very scary or frustrating or you feel you can't take one more second of it, you learn to smile with your mouth and cry with your heart.  It squeezes and hurts and you stop breathing for a moment.  Then it does it again and again until you can compose yourself enough to make it stop or are lucky enough to escape to a secluded place to be able to really cry with your eyes.  Someone might think I am describing a panic attack, but it's not, it's a learned behavior.  I do it on purpose.

I am around my children 24/7.  Most of the time I can't just leave to cry and I can't let Sweets see me upset.  I can't cry in the middle of the grocery isle, or when the Dr. is talking to me and Sweets , or during the middle of church, or in a meeting with the Principal, or when I can't mentally wrap my head around what is going on, or when Sweets is upset and needs me to be strong for her.  Crying on the outside is not an option.  So I cry on the inside.

It's amazing what the heart can go through and keep on beating.

A Free Ride

Today I let my 10 year old ride in the shopping cart basket during our shopping trip.  Yup.......I did.  We pulled into the parking lot and she had been complaining of not feeling well.  I checked her B.S. and it was high.  She was tired and sick.  I felt guilty for making her walk around the store for an hour like that so into the basket she happily went.  She laid her head back while we piled her over with boxes of cereal and toilet paper.  You know what?  Sometimes you just have to forget about what other people might think......because chances are, they are not thinking anything at all.  Her sisters had a good time pushing her and giving her a ride too.

The Ultimate Challenge

 I totally admit that we eat at buffets.  It is a place where all three picky kiddos can be satisfied.  Load 'em up, roll them out.  We never gave much thought to going to a buffet until the other night when Sweets mentioned that she wanted to go, but thought that it was probably an impossibility considering the amount of food one can consume at an alarming rate in those places and the fact that most people just go load up their plates giving no thought to what they are actually eating before they pile it on.

Challenge accepted.

We know what the Golden Corral has to offer and Sweets already knew what she would most likely get.  So with our handy Calorie King book and the amount of knowledge I now hold in my head, I felt pretty confident (ok I was dying, but Sweets couldn't know that) I could count the carbs in her meal successfully.  I told her she had to reign it in to about 45 carbs because she had been in a higher B.S. range than I appreciate all day.  

A piece of pizza, breaded shrimp, salad, and a small ice cream with a chocolate covered strawberry is what she chose as her menu.  I crossed my fingers, gave her some insulin in the parking lot, and we headed in for our fate.

Turns out I am a pretty darn good carb counter!!!  Two hours later and she had only risen 3 measly points!

There is a downfall for knowing how many carbs are in most foods you eat because, now your meals start looking like this.   I also know how many carbs that should be in a meal you eat and it's waaayyy lower than you think.  So the whole time I am eating at the buffet and then watching what other are consuming I was just about to lose it.  All I could think to myself was, what all this food must be doing to my poor pancreas.  Ha Ha.  Food isn't so appetizing anymore.

A Proud Moment To Cheer

We were sitting on the couch watching a cartoon and preparing to do a quick 2 hour check. I was having Sweets get everything out and all ready for me.  I turned my back for a second and when I turned around again she was holding her poker to her finger.  I said "you should just push the button Sweets.  I didn't cock it so you should just practice doing that.  Go a head, it's not cocked.  Just pretend".  Little did I know that she went ahead and cocked it when I had my head turned.  She looked me straight in the eye and pushed the button as I suggested.  I heard the snap and my eyes flew wide open.  She knew what she was about to do and I didn't!  Sweets gave me the surprise of my life and I hollered and jumped and hugged her!!  She cheered and was sooo happy.  

Sweets has been very afraid to go to school this upcoming year. She has been scared to death to prick herself and knew that it was something that she needed to be able to do in order to have a successful school year.  For some reason, today was the day.  The day to be brave........again:)

She has been taking her own levels for the rest of the day and seems quite proud to be able to take care of herself in this way.  So grown up.

A Special Milestone

The day after we got home from the hospital, I called our swim teacher and told her we'd have to change our lessons until the very last session in the Summer.  Sweets was not strong enough to participate in lessons (which were scheduled for the next week), and I was so frazzled that I couldn't even begin to figure out how to handle an activity like that.  To me, at that point and for a few weeks after, for some reason taking her swimming seemed like a really hard thing.  A scary thing to have her in the water with that much activity.  We have taken her a few times now, as a family, to the pool.  I know how to work the schedule and the amount of exercise to carbs she needs.

 Today was a special day.

It was a milestone we passed.  A marker of success.  I can't believe that it has arrived.

Sweets had her first swim lesson for this summer and she rocked.......I rocked.  It may seem like and insignificant thing to those who don't quite understand diabetes, but it is a balancing act.  Schedules had to be adjusted all day just to be able to get that blood sugar check right at the right time before her lessons.  Meals had to be prepared and eaten on time and sugar levels had to be in a safe range and maintained for her to exercise like that.  I am so proud of us.  Sweets and I.......a team.

We will be doing this for the next two weeks.  I am not a bit afraid anymore.