First Day Alone

Today was Sweet's and I's first day alone without her Daddy and my wonderful help.  The kids took their time waking up and when they did, I was already with the breakfast planned.  I keep waiting for the morning that they all complain that I made eggs again, but it hasn't happened yet and I am thankful for that.  I was very nervous about giving Sweets all her shots this morning.  I am great with the Novalog, but for some reason, her Lantus is really hard for me to stomach.  But, with a steady hand and a small tear in my eye I got it done and breakfast served.  She never cries about her shots or even complains.  She just wants to eat.  Her sisters count to ten for us and then Baby will ask some questions about wether it hurts or not.  I really like her Jr. NovaPen.  It allows us to dial up half units and besides its cute.  Just what a tween girl needs in a insulin pen.

After they were all eating, I went to my room to fold all the piles of laundry, listen to some Colbie Colet and had a good cry. I nevery cry in front of my children or in front of my husband.  Since they have both been around all week, I have never had the chance to unless it's at night when evey one else was asleep.  This morning, I was happy to be able to cry when I really wanted instead of having to wait until night.
Sweets sugar levels are steady.  They are still too high for where I want them though.  I am sure the Phycisian will move around some doses soon.  She is getting weary of cheese sticks, and ham, and boiled, eggs, and pickles.  This girls is craving some major sweets.  She is also packing on the pounds and eating the largest meals I have ever seen her eat her whole life.  It is all very refreshing!!
I took the girls to the library and to the main street fountain.  They all made wishes and threw very shiny pennies in.  I made a very big wish.......

This child is so amazing.  She has takent this diagnosis better than anyone I can imagine.  She has not complained or cried or been depressed.  I think she is anxious and afraid and gets tierd of her snacks, but she is happy.  She plays.  She doesn't let it stop her at all.

We played tennis tonight as a family.  I am not sure we were all into it though.  I was still feeling a bit depressed because of certain things and Husband is stressed about things.  The kids were not really happy because we weren't happy.  I am tierd of having to act happy and pull things together and to be strong.  Today was a good day because I made it through alone, but it wasn't a happy day.  I have been going through the stages of grief.  I know this sadness will pass.  I can see things getting better every day.

Tonight I slept, I woke up screaming with a nightmare......hello 2 a.m B.S. check.....again.