Trust And Help

I never ask anyone for help. I think if I need help then I am not strong.  I am stubborn.  Also, I don't trust people to a certain degree.  I have one babysitter I trust enough to take the kids for a couple of hours once in a while.  They don't spend the night places, I don't like them driving in other people's cars if I am not there, I don't trust men around my kids, I don't let them run around the neighborhood, I check on them all the time.  The list goes on.   I know I am insane (I don't need advice or lectures about it).........but, my kids are safe.  These two traits of un-trust and do-it yourselfness( I realize this is not a word) are not a good combination for a Mother who's child has just been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

First of all, my first bout with distrust in this diabetes thing was when our night nurse came in and immediately I was weary.  Anyone who has been in the hospital for a critical thing can tell you they have had a nurse or two who didn't seem as confident.  I was worried she couldn't take care of Sweets.

Second, I started to wonder if I could really trust the IV systems that were keeping her alive.  It's a box with wires and beeps and tubes and bags.  It could be faulty.  I had to trust in the Dr.'s, the equipment, the insulin, the needles, etc. etc.  Were they all going to do their job right?
Third, I really started to wonder if I could even trust myself.  The ONLY person(besides my Hubby) I really do trust!  Ha.....seems like an oxymoron.

I had to trust neighbors to take care of my children.  I had to trust that they would be fine without their Mom and Dad there.

When we got home I had to trust myself to be strong enough to do all this.  I had to trust Sweets to LET me do all this to her.

I had to rely on help from others.  My parents, neighbors, friends, nurses, doctors.  They all saw me cry.
I had to rely on my husband for strength more than I ever had.  He helped me more than anyone.
I had to accept help from people I never have met and will never see again.
I have to ask for help now.  I can't do this one alone, although my stubbornness makes me want to try.  I need emotional strength.  I need others.

I am learning to Trust.   I am learning to except that I need Help.   And that's all o.k.