Before and After

I think in the rest of the family's sees Sweet's one years diabetes mark would be June 2nd because that's the day she was diagnosed.  It goes back earlier for me though, because it was in March that I started to notice a difference.  I cannot blame myself for not knowing something was wrong at that time.  It was a very slow progression and as everyone knows, small changes over a long period of time go unnoticed.  She was just extremely thin.  I can, now, compare pictures of her and see how sick she looked.

I had to go and delete all the pictures of her from March to June of 2014 because they make me soooo extremely sad.  My baby was very sick and we didn't know, but the pictures tell a different story.

This picture of her with the flower in her hair was the only one I allowed myself to keep and I can barely look at it without breaking down.  I remember this day so well.  It was nothing special, just a first spring walk along the canyon rim. 

So as I reflect upon the last few weeks of March, my heart is filled with feelings I cannot explain.  I won't try because, quite frankly, unless your a T1D parent yourself, there is no way to understand no matter how willing or how hard you try.

                                April 2014                                                             March 2015

These girls are two very different girls.  Sweets would say, the one before diabetes and the one after diagnosis.  She has changed and she knows she's not the same girl.  Anyone would say in shock "of course she is.  Just because she has diabetes doesn't make her different. How can you say that"?

Well, in retrospect, her personality hasn't changed.  Sweet's hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes, sassy attitude and all are all the same as before,  but she is physically changed and her life is changed.  A part of her (her pancreas) has died and that has changed her forever.

Sweets is a special girl full of extreme energy, drama, emotion, and fortitude.  There is nothing halfway about this kid and anyone who has lived around someone who is that dramatic about anything and every detail in life, knows that it can be an exciting roller coaster ride full of ups and downs. 

I can't go so far as to say that she has embraced her disease, but I am surly surprised at how well she has taken it and at how much she has learned over the past 10 months.  There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that she hasn't done, that she's wanted to, because of diabetes.   She has not self -pitied or cried or complained about life.  She is not depressed or sad.  She wishes she didn't have it, but who wouldn't.  She understands that she needs to keep herself healthy and will make good choices in what she does and doesn't eat to keep her levels steady.
I wish I could write post after post of awesome things that we've learned, or people that we've come to know, or how diabetes has impacted our lives for the good, but actually.............(and I am not trying to be negative) there really isn't.
All I can write about is our experiences and what is going on.
So here it is.......March......a year from when I first noticed something different about Sweets......and it's been a rough week emotionally.
I am just so thankful that she survived.....that our family is still in tact after this crazy year......and that she's happy.

T1D fears and night checks

Last night we had to try and try to tell Sarah that she was ok to go to sleep.  I felt so sad to think that my daughter was just laying in bed trying not to fall asleep because she was afraid she was going to die that night.  She has to put her complete trust in us and the only reason she allowed herself to sleep is because of that.   I can't imagine being just 11 years old and having to live with that fear.  It makes me want to punch something.

There is a possibility that an unknown

  low blood sugar could make someone with Type 1 Diabetes slip into a coma and die in their sleep, but there are also precautions to take to make sure this doesn't happen and it is rare that someone is neglectful enough to let it.  Still, the possibility is scary enough that I do check her BG in the middle of every night.  Not every T1D parent does, I don't necessarily need to either because she is never low because we know how to prevent it.  Still, the nagging possibility propels me to her room in the middle of each night.