A Silent Cry

Did you know that as a T1D mom you learn to cry with your heart instead of with your eyes.  When things are very scary or frustrating or you feel you can't take one more second of it, you learn to smile with your mouth and cry with your heart.  It squeezes and hurts and you stop breathing for a moment.  Then it does it again and again until you can compose yourself enough to make it stop or are lucky enough to escape to a secluded place to be able to really cry with your eyes.  Someone might think I am describing a panic attack, but it's not, it's a learned behavior.  I do it on purpose.

I am around my children 24/7.  Most of the time I can't just leave to cry and I can't let Sweets see me upset.  I can't cry in the middle of the grocery isle, or when the Dr. is talking to me and Sweets , or during the middle of church, or in a meeting with the Principal, or when I can't mentally wrap my head around what is going on, or when Sweets is upset and needs me to be strong for her.  Crying on the outside is not an option.  So I cry on the inside.

It's amazing what the heart can go through and keep on beating.

A Free Ride

Today I let my 10 year old ride in the shopping cart basket during our shopping trip.  Yup.......I did.  We pulled into the parking lot and she had been complaining of not feeling well.  I checked her B.S. and it was high.  She was tired and sick.  I felt guilty for making her walk around the store for an hour like that so into the basket she happily went.  She laid her head back while we piled her over with boxes of cereal and toilet paper.  You know what?  Sometimes you just have to forget about what other people might think......because chances are, they are not thinking anything at all.  Her sisters had a good time pushing her and giving her a ride too.

The Ultimate Challenge

 I totally admit that we eat at buffets.  It is a place where all three picky kiddos can be satisfied.  Load 'em up, roll them out.  We never gave much thought to going to a buffet until the other night when Sweets mentioned that she wanted to go, but thought that it was probably an impossibility considering the amount of food one can consume at an alarming rate in those places and the fact that most people just go load up their plates giving no thought to what they are actually eating before they pile it on.

Challenge accepted.

We know what the Golden Corral has to offer and Sweets already knew what she would most likely get.  So with our handy Calorie King book and the amount of knowledge I now hold in my head, I felt pretty confident (ok I was dying, but Sweets couldn't know that) I could count the carbs in her meal successfully.  I told her she had to reign it in to about 45 carbs because she had been in a higher B.S. range than I appreciate all day.  

A piece of pizza, breaded shrimp, salad, and a small ice cream with a chocolate covered strawberry is what she chose as her menu.  I crossed my fingers, gave her some insulin in the parking lot, and we headed in for our fate.

Turns out I am a pretty darn good carb counter!!!  Two hours later and she had only risen 3 measly points!

There is a downfall for knowing how many carbs are in most foods you eat because, now your meals start looking like this.   I also know how many carbs that should be in a meal you eat and it's waaayyy lower than you think.  So the whole time I am eating at the buffet and then watching what other are consuming I was just about to lose it.  All I could think to myself was, what all this food must be doing to my poor pancreas.  Ha Ha.  Food isn't so appetizing anymore.

A Proud Moment To Cheer

We were sitting on the couch watching a cartoon and preparing to do a quick 2 hour check. I was having Sweets get everything out and all ready for me.  I turned my back for a second and when I turned around again she was holding her poker to her finger.  I said "you should just push the button Sweets.  I didn't cock it so you should just practice doing that.  Go a head, it's not cocked.  Just pretend".  Little did I know that she went ahead and cocked it when I had my head turned.  She looked me straight in the eye and pushed the button as I suggested.  I heard the snap and my eyes flew wide open.  She knew what she was about to do and I didn't!  Sweets gave me the surprise of my life and I hollered and jumped and hugged her!!  She cheered and was sooo happy.  

Sweets has been very afraid to go to school this upcoming year. She has been scared to death to prick herself and knew that it was something that she needed to be able to do in order to have a successful school year.  For some reason, today was the day.  The day to be brave........again:)

She has been taking her own levels for the rest of the day and seems quite proud to be able to take care of herself in this way.  So grown up.