Then there's the thought........it's a killer......how much time does she really have? You hear about Diabetes claiming the lives of children in their sleep. It haunts me every day. You can do everything in your power perfectly and the unexpected happens. The thought can drive you mad making you set your alarm for 12:30 a.m., 2:00 a.m., and 4:00 a.m. just to shake her to make sure she can respond to you.
Then there's the all the time you spend looking like your doing o.k. on the outside (going throughout life and doing normal things), but on the inside, your brain is constantly in worry, or thinking, or planning, or whatever parents of Diabetic children think about 24/7. No one can understand what it feels like to have to constantly be thinking of the next thing you have to do to make sure your daughter can live through the day. You think you can plan one step a head of it, because really it's a game of strategy, but sometimes you lose because Diabetes cheats. It's cheated Sweets out of life.
Speaking of time......it's time to start planning lunch and dinner and then our outing out tonight. It all has to be meticulously planned to the hour. You can't schedule a time to go test drive a car unless the rest of your day is perfectly planned because you don't want to get caught at the dealership when dinner should be served or when a low could be expected.
Yup, Diabetes runs the show and has stolen our time. Time that shouldn't even be measured.
That must be really tough, Steph, to be constantly haunted by something. Knowing that either you or Sweets will always have to stay on top of it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, we can always take comfort in knowing that there will come a time when you guys won't have to deal with it anymore. And while it seems impossible to make it through, we will eventually look back and realize how much we learned and what a short period of time (in the eternal perspective) that we had to deal with it. I know it's not helping much right now, but it will.
Also, I would love to see a blog post about the positive things that have arisen from this trial? Has it brought you closer together? Taught you any important lessons? I think taking time to identify the positive helps as well.
All of that said, I can't pretend to be able to relate or understand what you are going through. But know that Liz and I love you tons and will do anything you need to help out!
Prove to diabetes that it cannot cheat her out of life. There are thousands that live (while not on-diabetic lives) active and long lives. Blair's grandma is 85 and has diabetes all of her life. The strength that you and Adam have developed will fight for he all the way and will instill in her a will to live a long and active life. In life this is one time when cheating is okay.
ReplyDeleteDad
Stephani - I have all the faith and love for you and your family. I do understand those hard days that you have, no I have not experienced them on a daily basis nor do I understand what you all have gone through, but I do understand them. Those hard days, they will only be but a fleeting moment, there is always a good day around the corner. Its easier for me to say now that we dont have the girls, but I still remember vividly the hard and difficult nights that we had. However Jeff and I have grown so much from it. It made us realize what we can do and that we can improve. We also had a lot of good days, its just easier for me to remember the awful struggles.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you have a blog where you can vent and help the rest of us understand what you are going through. Post whatever you feel whether it be positive or a negative. Seems to me that things are starting to get better though! Like you said, its a roller coaster ride, but seems like for the most part, you have a good handle on things! Sweets will soon enough learn how to do this on her own as well and that will be because of you helping her!
I just want to let you know how much I love you stephani, you are amazing woman, mother and wife. You are so strong, much more than what you give yourself credit. I sure love you, and I cannot wait to see you for the reunion. I will be getting into contact with you before so I can plan some snack ideas with you! :o)
Thanks Steph!