Day 2

Sweets really didn't get much sleep that night since the nurse was in every hour to check her B.S.  Despite that, though, she was up and already wondering about breakfast before too late.  Earlier in the morning, the nurse checked her Ketons again and found a negative number.  After two more negative tests, they would unhook her insulin from the I.V. and start her on solid foods with shots.  Mid morning, they came in with the good news.  Sweets ordered pancake, eggs, bacon, and juice.  Just like she told the Dr. the previous night that she would.  I have never seen a happier face.  Then it fell just as quickly when she realized that now her insulin would be given via syringe.
Sweets had a girl in her school class that year that has been T1D since she was 3 years old.  Sweets saw her taking her B.S. and going down for insulin all year.  Diabetes was not an unfamiliar thing for Sweets and I am so thankful she had Gracie in her class so she could become aware of it before her diagnosis.  She was told the day before that she was diabetic and I don't think it really sank in until that first shot for breakfast.  However, Sweets was so hungry she would have done anything to eat so she took it like a champ.
Late morning I think Sweets was realizing just what was going on and started to get emotional and weepy.  I can't explain how it feels and how hard it is, as a mother, to have to pull it together and be positive and happy and encouraging in front of your daughter when you are in the midst of in internal breakdown.  It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do and keep doing for days.  Thankfully, gifts started showing up to lighten the air and put a smile on Sweets face and mine too.

Oh, wonderful, yummy pizza!!!  

Sweets missed her sisters and was so happy that they came to see her.

After all the visitors came and went, and a few emotional tears, we felt ready to have our first consult with her Diabetic Physician and Counselor.   Daddy, Grandma, Myself, and her two younger sisters all sat in to learn.  There was soooo much information being thrown at me at one time and things I needed to do and to check.  I felt my head swimming in a sea of confusion and my spirits drowning in self-doubt.  Number, numbers, numbers.........

Then, after the meeting, I was told later on that evening, I would be practicing shots and finger pricks on myself and my husband.  All of a sudden, the world blacked out, I shut down, and the phobia I had been dealing with since I was a child took over my emotions and body.

Facing a true phobia on top of what was going on was just to much for me to handle. 

I knew I was going to pass out if I didn't eat before the session so we went to the cafeteria and in the midst of teary eyes, and a choking throat, I gagged down two pieces of pizza that tasted like cardboard.

I had a blessing.......and everything was fine.  I was super shaky, but composed and not crying.  I did it!!!  Now I know what Sweet's will be feeling.  I am soooo glad I did it. 

That night, I cried myself to sleep again.